First of all I need to start out this post by saying I'm not necessarily writing this because I'm looking for sympathy. Sometimes life is just overwhelming and you have to take deep breaths and push through it. But I thought if I could get my thoughts out of my head and in writing I might feel better.
I am feeling overwhelmed right now by the amount of things I have to do each day as well as the spiritual and physical burdens that I am also feeling right now. Being the Relief Society President, working full-time, singing in the EVMCO choir along with being the audition coordinator for the choir and the Alto section leader and being pregnant all at once is really starting to weigh on me lately. On top of all of these things I'm struggling to read my scriptures everyday, say my prayers, write in my journal and attend the temple. All of these things are very important to me right now and need to be done but keep me so busy sometimes my head is spinning.
Relief Society
Right now we are in the middle of holding VTing interviews and we have also had some people move or change callings and so I am actually covering the responsibilities of two other callings until we can arrange to get some new people called. We haven't had a presidency meeting in a while due to VTing interviews and ward conference is quickly approaching. As part of ward conference we usually have a PPI with the stake presidency as well as go on a few visits with them to see some of the sisters in the ward.
On top of that, I have really been struggling lately to understand why the Lord has called me to serve in this calling at this time (again I am NOT looking for sympathy here just sharing how I'm feeling.). There are so many incredible women in my ward who have more time and more life experience than I do who would do an incredible job. I don't feel like I have accomplished even a little bit of what I envisioned when I started out on this journey and right now it seems like as an organization that we are just kind of running in place. I am grateful though for inspired teachers who continue to uplift us each Sunday. I have come to the conclusion that for now my purpose is not so much for the sisters as it is for me to learn faith in the Lord, patience with myself and learn to delegate responsibilities so I don't get overwhelmed. That is hard for me because I want to feel like I can do it all. Hard truth- I CAN'T!
East Valley Mormon Choral Organization (EVMCO)
We are in the thick of auditions for EVMCO as we begin our spring quarter and this has taken up three evenings already and possibly one more. Fortunately that part will be over soon and I won't have to worry about that until the fall. At that time I think I will have to hand over the responsibility to someone else though since the baby will be here. Rehearsal for the choir began two weeks ago and we meet every Thursday evening for two and a half hours. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having the opportunity to sing because I really don't get to do it much anymore but I am always SO exhausted when the evening is over and on top of that it requires quite a bit of time outside of rehearsal learning and memorizing music.
Work
Work is just a necessary evil because the bills have got to get paid. Unfortunately although the work environment is good and the benefits are great I don't LOVE what I do and that makes it hard. On top of that we've had some merging and reorganizing of departments and so the work has been spread out. This means eight hours of sitting at a desk with maybe 4 hours of work each day. This has got to be the most maddening part of my day. I could be doing SO much with that wasted time.
Pregnancy
I don't think I really need to say much about this. Anyone who had been pregnant knows that with the excitement of becoming a parent for the first time also comes anxiety about the unknown, preparing your home along with all the other fun pregnancy stuff like not sleeping well, emotions that are on edge and a changing body all of which I haven't experienced before.
The Unknown
This part might be the trickiest right now. We have been in the process of trying to determine our goals for the future as far as work and family. Our ultimate goals is for me to be able to stay home and raise our children. Bud has been working and praying hard to make some career decisions and although we are making progress things are progressing slowly as we do some research on different career path options and decide where we want to live long-term. We want to make sure we are doing what is best for our family and we also want to make sure that we counsel with the Lord as some of these decisions will be life changing. We want to raise our kids near family so they can create a special bond with their grandparents and cousins but since our parents don't live in the same state that makes things difficult. We also want to make sure we go where the Lord needs us and where we will grow the most.
Anyway, I don't expect anyone to read this but if you did I'm sure I am not the only person who has felt overwhelmed with the responsibilities of life. We all have days where we just want to quit. But we don't...usually I feel like this right before bed when I'm really tired. Fortunately the sun rises everyday and we get the chance to do it all again and strive to be better than we were the day before. Some days I don't get everything accomplished and as much as I hate to say it out loud...IT'S OK! Whew...that was hard to say. :-) Sometimes you have to push off the non-important stuff so the RIGHT stuff gets done. I'm gaining a strong testimony that if we truly put the Lord first that everything else will fall into place. I am also learning that sometimes I have to say NO or I CAN'T right now. I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew sometimes. Today I had to ask my VTer if we could push VTing off one more week. I felt bad about it but she was totally fine with it. She understands that life is just life. So I guess the point of this post was to just vent and guess what? I feel much better! So to all of you out there that feel overwhelmed...I understand how you feel. Here's to another week full of adventure!
6 comments:
Boo! I'm so sorry you feel this way!
You DO have a ton going on!
You need a B-R-E-A-K!
Jeesh!
I feel like if you had ONE constant in your life, it would make a lot of other things a little bit easier to nail down.
I've totally been through this, so I know how it all goes.
It won't be like this forever. I PROMISE!
Your Heavenly Father has BIG plans for you and Bud!
(don't get me wrong, I hope they lead you HERE! :)
but even if they don't. Know what we still LOVE and want to support you in ANYTHING you guys decide!
You're doing a great job!
Shelley
Hey girl I know how you feel about being overwhelmed but in a different raod than yours since I am not married and all. But I have made some major changes in a career path and living arrangments. I am going back to school and for Medical assistanttng. In the next few weeks will be moving in to my first apt. Last month I was asking the same questions why me Kind. Then I bought a book called Change your question cahnge your life. by Wendy Watson Nelson. One question she challagnes us to asks is What does the lord want me to learn from this difficult time?
Hang in there it will all come together soon!!
Well Kim, I know what you mean. I totally understand not knowing why the Lord wants you to do such a major calling at this time in your life. But There's a reason why. We just don't know until we're being released or even years after. One of the great things I remember from conference was a talk about mothers. We have tons of things going on in our lives! And we're supposed to be busy. And comes expectations. Like being a homemaker, a mother, a wife, a friend, serve in calling(s), work, read, write, clean some more, run errands...the list goes on! All these things are important. But we need to prioritize ourselves. Pick out the most important things, do them first and we'll find time for the rest.
Kim, you are amazing! Who wouldn't feel overwhelmed trying to balance a schedule like yours?
BALANCE.
That is THE hardest thing in the world, isn't it? I'll finally start to feel like I'm figuring it all out, and then something else gets thrown into the mix, and I'm back at square one! Right now things are starting to feel good, but I'm getting that little nagging feeling like there is something/someONE missing... Here we go! :)
I guess we're not meant to have it all figured out all the time, or get too comfortable, cause like you said, we have to put our faith in God. I loved Sister Beck's talk in GC. It really hit home.
Being in the unknown stage really is annoying. I remember that. It wasn't that long for us, and I still hated it. But looking back it's been awesome to see how the Lord really did guide us. We felt like we were blindly following, but it's all worked out so well, and it will for you too!
As far as RS goes, I can't think of a more fit person for that job, experience or not. You are so organized, and a natural leader. I'm sure those sisters you serve are so grateful to have you.
OK, sorry so long. I guess writing this is clearing up some of my own thoughts, so thanks! :)
Love ya!
Get use to it! Its the witness that you are doing ALMOST all you can do...just when you think you are at your limit and you pour out your heart to the Lord, he seems to always have just one more thing he wants you to do. I suppose he has a lot more confidence in us than we have in ourselves, but that is when we put our hand in His and step out in Faith...just about then you feel really overwhelmed...overwelmed with gratitude for the blessings He has bestowed upon you, for being capable of serving, for a beautiful voice that can sing His praises and sooth a lullaby, for a strong body that can bring a little girl into a loving home, for families you want to be around...that's a big one!...and for a heart that screams YES instead of NO. Donna always says she doesn't need to to learn to say NO, just more people need to learn to say YES! And that's why YES, overwhelmed always follows greatness...you'll never escape it 'cause your GREAT!!!
Dad won't know what you are talking about 'cause Mom P. just posted that last comment...Right now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with this blogging thing...can't seem to get this commenting thing right! And to think, they just moved me to Media on Public Affairs...what were they thinking!!! Mom P.
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